Sharing aspects of yourself to your work mates is an important part of developing relationships and can add to your sense of enjoyment at work. However, the amount you share and the content of your conversations can be a turn-off for some.
Our political beliefs are too wrapped up with our inner-selves to be discussed at work without rubbing others up-the-wrong-way. Also, disagreeing with others political views can alter the perceptions your work-mates have of you. Negative political vibes can be felt as a personal attack on other peoples’ values.
We all work with people that don’t meet our standard of performance. The thing is, if you can’t help them improve or have no power to ‘give them the sack’, then there is little to be gained by whining about their poor performance. When you gossip about other work mates it may appear to be an insecure way of making yourself look better.
Talking about how rich you are, your new expensive purchase and your pay rate can create a barrier between you and your colleagues. Others can view your comments as bragging and result in them feeling resentful about their own circumstances. When people know how much you earn, they may begin to compare you and your wage with their notion of fairness – everything you do will be measured against your pay-rate!
People grow tired of hearing others complain about how much they hate work. This fatigue brings down morale. Worst of all, your boss will see and hear your griping and may begin favouring others who have a more positive outlook at work. Having continual negative attitudes will also make it harder for you to feel happy. Find the great things about work and talk about them, and work positively with your boss to make improvements with the things that irk you.
Too much, or not enough? No one wants to hear about it. It creates an uncomfortable tension between people and besides, it could tarnish your reputation. Once you’ve crossed this line you might never repair the damage.
“Your thoughts are your own. Think whatever you feel is right; just keep it to yourself”. Speaking about your thoughts on a work mate’s sexuality is most likely considered inappropriate to the people around you. Also, appearing envious of someone else puts you and them in the same sexual frame. It’s creepy. Don’t do it.
Your fun and frivolous youth can be entertaining to some, but work mates might form the view that your past poor social judgement and risky behaviour has not matured with the years. If your reputation is important to you then disclose past indiscretions to a trusted few and consider the workplace is seldom the forum for bragging about the glory days.
If you are thinking about a career move or simply wanting a change because “I hate my job” (see 4 above), avoid talking about your plans. Bosses and work mates may react to what they consider ‘disloyalty’ and begin treating you differently. You may find they cut you out of the loop on important decisions. If you have given notice, avoid bragging about the grass being greener on the other side in case someone takes offence and tries to make your remaining time there hell. Also, be aware that deciding to stay after telling everyone you’re going may result in others not trusting you with new tasks or simply treating you with indifference.
Adapted from Dr Bradberry. 2017. http://www.talentsmart.com/articles/8-Things-Smart-People-Never-Reveal-About-Themselves-At-Work-2147446686-p-1.html
Sport is an essential component in every community. Sporting endeavor has throughout the ages been an expression of our culture. Where the alternative to fair play is more gladiatorial (where winning is survival) sports people and spectators alike share high expectations of a level playing field. Regrettably humans control this notion of fairness, and some of us challenge the integrity of sport. On and off the field sporting culture must share virtues such as:
International sport is a high stakes environment that requires independent integrity units among the other efforts employed by bodies to eliminate corruption and cheating.
Proven frameworks to assert independent integrity in an organisation could be the innovation needed to enhance the shared values sporting bodies strive for. The function of the organisational ombudsman within an integrity unit is one such innovation.
“When an organisation has a system for engagement which embeds the ‘special sauce’ of Ombudsman Services, it is delivering the message to everyone involved – employees, management, stakeholders and customers – that it cares about its brand, its service and its people”.
Mark Batson Baril (click here to find out more about Mark)
*exceptions: Where an individual disclosure surfaces issues relating to self-harm, harm against another person and imminent serious harm to
the organisation. These values are those set out by the International Ombudsman’ Association. (IOA code of ethics)
Provides stakeholders a safe person to talk with about any concern. Most conflict is normal and the integrity unit will be available to help emerging interpersonal and communication problems from getting out of hand. It will tackle bullying and help people overcome most any challenge.
The integrity unit will operate at arms-length from the formal processes. Stakeholders will have confidence and trust they can raise any issue without fear of retaliation. Members of the integrity unit are not advocates or representatives. They will not take sides nor act as any formal reporting mechanism but work alongside those formal structures to ensure inclusiveness, diversity, fairness, and safety within the organisational culture.
The integrity unit will resolve issues as early as possible and without triggering formal procedures (formal procedures could include investigations, high legal fees and court costs). Integrity unit members are trained to listen, provide and receive information, identify and reframe issues, and develop a range of responsible options and new ways to solve problems.
The integrity unit does NOT:
“The Organisational Ombudsman is like a smoke-watcher, if we see signs of smoke we will investigate and, if there is a fire we will make recommendations on putting it out and preventing future fires in that area. No one expects fire, but if it does occur we need a trained eye to direct us to the source, quickly, expertly and safely”.
Dr David Miller. Organisational Ombudsman, The Global Fund. Geneva.
For more information please contact Wayne here.
The first Olympics were held in 776BC. The first Olympic torch was a burning olive branch. Olympic winners were awarded a crown woven from olive branches to symbolise peace and a truce of any hostility. It continues to be seen today as a symbol of peace and friendship.
Wayne Marriott is based in New Zealand as a conflict management practitioner. He is a member of the International Ombudsman Association and in a previous life competed at the Race Walking World Cup (1991 San Jose California) as a member of the New Zealand team in the 50km event.
Most people don’t want to live in the pockets of our neighbours, but these days of high density urban living can mean we can be easily rattled by things that happen over the fence and down the road. Even in well-connected neighbourhoods, tensions can heat up over simple things that irk us! These tips can help you keep some situations from boiling over. Managed conflict helps us make decisions and choices but when poorly managed, conflict and dispute can make for unhappy times and even make us sick.
Many peace builders (especially the self-employed folk) reach that cross road of ‘what next?’ Which road should we take?’ If you’re like me you’ll be searching for a route that will provide the most fulfilling (and hopefully successful) journey.
This blog might be what you need to give you a new direction. Remember to enjoy the journey (not just aim for the destination) and pick a route that intersects with other practitioners. This blog will help you redefine who you should look to for that quintessential collaboration.
Welcome to the tipping point.
“The tipping point is that magic moment when an idea, trend, or social behaviour crosses a threshold, tips, and spreads like wildfire. Just as a single sick person can start an epidemic of the flu, so too can a small but precisely targeted push cause a fashion trend, the popularity of a new product, or a drop in the crime rate. This widely acclaimed bestseller, in which Malcolm Gladwell explores and brilliantly illuminates the tipping point phenomenon, is already changing the way people throughout the world think about selling products and disseminating ideas.”
Malcolm Gladwell.
The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
Having read the book some years hence, I sought out the audio version of this valuable gem. This following information is my review of the book for your enjoyment. I hope it whets your appetite sufficiently to seek your own copy and enjoy Gladwell’s writing as much as I have.
You can find the iTunes version of the book here: Audio book The Tipping Point at iTunes
I’m a service provider. My unique skill and ability is for sale. Regrettably the craft of practitioners like me is undervalued by a market sector that believe when they get into conflict, the dispute belongs to the other party and seldom accept much personal responsibility in the cause nor the resolution of their dispute. “I’m not in dispute. I’m right and they are wrong”. I find many of my clientele have become so immersed in their dispute they can no longer see a way through. In their exhaustion, they simply transfer responsibility of resolution to a lawyer or worse still, rollover allowing the other party to exert more power than should normally be afforded to them.
I’ve been searching for an edge toward success in my peace building and conflict management practice. Something that I could use as a guide in the market place frequented by fickle and grumpy consumers who don’t yet know what they need, nor want. How can I help people overcome this conflict blindness? What ideas will create a change in the way consumers deal with dispute?
The Tipping Point described by Gladwell is the biography of an idea. For the communication of a message (an idea) to create change: the messenger must be a connector; the message must be in context and the message needs to stick, that is, personal, memorable, and practical. Simply, the change must be the easiest option.
As practitioners we can harness Gladwell’s vision to help guide a personal business approach to transform our practice and strengthen our industry with strategies designed to build capability across our client sector, communities, organisations etc.
Important ideas that provoke change demonstrate 4 principles:
The three agents of change are essential elements of ideas that provoke social change are:
1. The law of the few – key people who demonstrate: exceptional skills; energy; sociable nature and knowledge. Gladwell calls them:
2. The stickiness factor – ideas that make an impact (change behaviour) and stay top of mind (popular across the culture)
3. The power of context – where the tipping point is reached owing to tinkering with even the smallest detail.
The success of any social epidemic is heavily dependent on people with a particular set of skills. Change will occur more readily when these three specialist come together. Gladwell makes clear that these few do not exist in every team, community or organisation. With this in mind we must remember that teams, communities and organisations must ensure these exceptional skills are present. For us as sole practitioners who beat a solitary drum and attempt to develop the entire skill set an important lesson is to instead, collaborate with key people to ensure the tipping point is reached and change assured.
Connectors AKA people specialists.
These folk have great contacts. They prove, it’s not what you know but who you know. They give the rest of us access to opportunities and worlds that we ordinarily don’t belong. Effective people specialists rank highly in a six degrees of separation where not all the degrees are equal. Gladwell describes the circle of friends is actually a pyramid where key individuals simply know lots of people of all different ilk and whom move between cultures with ease. He says that weak ties can net more worth than strong ties. This means that our acquaintances are stronger allies than our friends and relatives.
Mavens AKA information specialists.
These folk are accumulators of knowledge. We rely on mavens as information brokers. They are the experts in their field and we pay them tremendous respect as our go-to people on specifics topics. Gladwell says that mavens’ are socially motivated and seldom demonstrate strength in persuasion.
Persuaders AKA communication specialists.
Tuned in to cultural micro-rhythms, persuaders demonstrate mastery of a specialised human trait where listening and intervention is as synchronous as a conductor of an orchestra. With perfect timing, they listen, interrupt and become interactional as if in tune with most everyone they meet.
Importantly, mavens demonstrate success when they collaborate with connectors who are innovators. Connector-innovators are trend setters. They often feel they are isolated – even outcasts. They are also pioneers who see a bigger picture. They are passionate and readily become engaged in various forms of activism.
When mavens and connector-innovators get together a more coherent picture comes clear. The fresh broadened view ensures a more complete analysis is not influenced by those with an insular and biased outlook.
Maybe this is why peace building innovators (or any professional group or social enterprise) are more often engaged in change process across their sector. They create change by incremental steps that might otherwise not seem connected. The resulting tipping point comes with radical and rapid change to the surprise of those around them whilst these pioneers go unrecognised.
If this is you, (pat on back) then you will already be broadening the scope of your craft to provide consumers with flexibility, strengthening the action of your profession and changing culture. You will be making change the easy choice, as Gladwell suggests, redefining innovation as mainstream.
“A book is a living and breathing document that grows richer with each new reading”.
Malcolm Gladwell.
An added strength of the audio version is Gladwell’s personal afterword where he shares fresh insight into his vision. He says that:
Difficult and challenging change is best tackled by a close knit group. An increasing significance of the social media culture means we must rely more on the power of word-of –mouth of our mavens, connectors and persuaders. He also says that since writing The Tipping Point he can add fresh insight.
Individuals these days seem to follow an internal cultural script where they are infected by the example of how others experience and react to conflict and dispute. The resulting contagious behaviour in the population requires a counter response toward the tipping point to conflict competence. Only then will we overcome our underlying anxieties that fuel unhealthy hysterical social behaviour.
The power of word-of-mouth becomes more valuable as the message epidemic is prolonged. This is counter-intuitive to normal economics where scarcity drives an increase in value and wealth. Gladwell opines that increasing network size is self-limiting as we become immune to the share volume of messages directed at us about more things we have little interest in. The key to reducing immunity is to reach people face-to-face. This relies on us valuing those in our teams, communities and organisations we respect admire and trust. The cure for immunity is engaging with our mavens, connectors and persuaders.
Gladwell calls it, “creating the maven trap”.
People look up to mavens, connectors and persuaders (The law of the few) because they naturally value respect and standing amongst friends and colleagues. They are less impressed with status and wealth. In particular the mavens we value are able to break through the rising tide of isolation and immunity because:
Gladwell suggests that finding and collaborating with a widened maven group will hasten the process toward the tipping point of change.
My mission from now is to consider my peace building colleagues and peers in terms of Gladwell’s classification.
Whilst these folk are for-all-intents and purposes competitors for a fairly limited pie of referrals, by embracing Gladwell’s concepts we can work together to grow the size of the pie. By working together our client base can encompass a broadened foundation of communities, sectors and organisations that will benefit from embracing their own mavens, connectors and persuaders. They simply need our leadership and guidance to show them.
What ideas and great works are you considering? Can you identify the mavens are around you? When will you formalise a strategy to bring together your connectors, mavens and persuaders?
For more information, please read Malcolm Gladwell’s book, The Tipping Point and reach out to me here.
Organisational conflict coaching: Informal, independent, neutral conflict management and dispute resolution
“The Organisational Ombudsman is like a smoke-watcher, if we see signs of smoke we will investigate and, if there is a fire we will make recommendations on putting it out and preventing future fires in that area. No one expects fire, but if it does occur we need a trained eye to direct us to the source, quickly, expertly and safely”.
Dr David Miller. Organisational Ombudsman, The Global Fund. Geneva.
We all deserve a positive work environment, a place where we can enjoy our work for a job well done. When handled constructively, conflict is a normal and useful part of life. If left unresolved people may not feel their workplace is positive. It will lead to low morale and you may even notice that productivity is lost. In extreme cases, people may have health problems associated with conflict.
Many organisations have a formal conflict management system in place and encourage staff to use the process if they get into workplace conflict. As with many formal processes staff can be reluctant to engage due to fear of issues such as retaliation, loss of relationships or other consequences.
The work of the Organisational Ombudsman as a conflict coach in an organisation is a complementary addition to an existing formal system. The informal nature of the conflict coach fosters conflict management and resolution of disputes quickly whilst reducing the cost of conflict both in dollar terms and human cost.
What situations at work could I sort out with coaching?
My supervisor is grumpy with me all the time. I don’t understand why.
The foreman seems to have favourites and I’m not one of them.
The person I work with goes too slow and ignores my plea to work harder.
I think I’m being treated differently than other people because I’m from another country.
My marriage is falling apart and I’m afraid leaving will affect my children.
I’m feeling bullied by the others. There is so much gossip where I work.
What does workplace coaching offer?
Strengthen your ability and confidence to take steps to resolve issues.
Assist with negotiations between people.
Listen and help you develop options to address issues and assess the consequences of these options.
Provide information and clarification on company procedures and practices.
Identify other avenues of help outside the workplace.
Give the organisation valuable insight into the issues facing staff so they can address systemic problems. (via anonymous reporting with consent)
What is a typical workplace coaching session?
In well-resourced organisations, the office of the Ombudsman is available for personal visits and contact by phone. In New Zealand where the use of conflict coaching is new, enlightened organisations offer a limited service relaying on set days when the coach will be on site. In this situation the coach offers to be available by phone on other days and will agree to meet with staff privately away from the workplace.
Conversations between coach and client are a one to one process so the client can increase competence and confidence to manage their interpersonal conflict and dispute. It is a future oriented and voluntary process that focuses on the client’s conflict management goals. Conflict coaching is not counselling or therapy. The coach will not provide advice or act as your agent or representative. Usually there will be several sessions, the first used to reach agreement about the boundaries of coaching and the client.
Primary role and responsibilities of the coach include:
Help the client identify conflict management goals and steps required to reach them.
Co-create a relationship that supports and facilitates the client’s efforts to reach their goals.
Assist the client, manage or resolve a dispute or prevent one from escalating unnecessarily.
Help the client strengthen their knowledge, skills and abilities to engage more effectively in conflict.
Manage the coaching process through a step by step process where appropriate.
The client agrees to:
Communicate honestly with the coach.
Be willing to co-create the relationship and identify the best way to collaborate to ensure progress.
Be open to the coach’s observation and input.
Provide feedback to the coach on their experience of the coaching process and the working relationship.
Be accountable for doing the work required to reach their goals.
Be solely responsible for their decisions and actions regarding their goals.
The coach will maintain complete confidentiality about the content of the coaching sessions unless:
Disclosure of the information is authorised by the client in writing.
The client reveals intent to harm others or themselves.
The information is required on an anonymous basis for educational or statistical purposes (no identifiable names and information are used).
Required by applicable laws.
On-going, unmanaged conflict in an organisation erodes positive culture. Increasingly toxic environments reduce productivity. Nobody wins with the vicious cycle of conflict. Our job is to guide individuals, groups and organisations as they evaluate their options and make strategic decisions that help manage conflict. We are an independent practice, so you can count on us for impartiality, neutrality and confidentiality. From diagnosing unmanaged conflict to designing and implementing strategies for successful communication, we offer truly comprehensive services. We are equipped with tools and techniques to handle disputes of any size or complexity and help resolve a broad range of conflicts within your organisation.
Workplace facilitation services for medium to large business equip employers with a listening post for issues in the workforce. Improved staff engagement enhances conflict competence and strengthens organisational culture. By offering conflict coaching, staff will learn to deal with problems effectively and provide safe way of surfacing issues without fear of retaliation or risk of bullying.
Our practitioners offer face to face and telephone conference meetings with two or more people who are working to resolve a conflict. Mediation and conciliation is private and the outcomes are more often more satisfactory to the parties than litigation settlements. We will not impose any decisions on either party as you work toward resolution.
Conflicts are hard. Let us help you get started on resolving any conflict in your life. Mediate2Go have online tools for your ultimate convenience including our free self-resolution portal - click here to go to the online self resolution tool. Don't worry if you get stuck, we are here as your safety net to coach you to manage your conflict or provide help to resolve a dispute.
Fleetwood are Mediators, Conciliators and Conflict Coaches working with organisations to enhance internal and external relationships and improve conflict competence.
“Our clients tell us that the cost of unmanaged conflict doesn't just add unnecessary expense. It costs dearly in burdens associated with: lost productivity, reduced performance, staff retention and peace of mind. At worst, conflict unchecked can result in unhappy staff engaged
